Harry SNAPE?
by The New Flock Member
Summary: When the Dursleys are attacked, Dumbledore attempts to find Harry's next closest relative. No one knew what that would entail. ONESHOT


**So my friend, fbmstar, wrote this story... (the next bit isn't my story, it's hers.)**

Harry was called in to the office of the Headmaster. It was an Order Meeting with everyone, even his friends, there.

Snape stood up and said "Harry I am your father".

"Right, um good luck in the war," He said as he turned to Dumbledore and took out his wand. He pointed it to his forehead and said

Avada Kedavra.

**M'kay, while a hilarious concept, I've decided to spice things up a bit, using her story as a sort of inspiration. Hers falls more along the lines of crack, while I tried to stick to canon but still make it funny. So... enjoy?**

**(note that this takes place during 6th year.)**

Harry walked slowly up the staircase leading towards the hallway to the Headmasters office. He had been eating Lunch with Hermione and Ron, when a small and twitchy first year had handed him a note. The note contained this simple, short message.

_After you finish. Blood Pops._

Not even hesitating, Harry stood up, telling his friends that he'd forgotten something in the dorm. It was their code phrase for "Dumbledore needs me," so Harry could leave in public and not arouse too much suspicion. Most of the time, Harry wasn't needed right away, so the code wasn't required. Up to this point, it had only been used once. That one time was because Dumbledore had discovered the joy of the muggle candy bar Snickers, and had felt the need to share with someone who might feel the same way.

The lessons Harry'd been receiving the past few months had seemed fairly useless. What would understanding Voldemort's past help them defeat him now? It was something that had irritated Harry over the past week, and he'd planned to bring it up at the next 'lesson', which was fast approaching.

The walk up to the office passed fairly quickly with Harry's mind occupied. Absentmindedly, he spoke "Blood Pops," to the gargoyle and rode up the escalator-like staircase to the door of the Headmasters office. He was snapped back into reality, however, when he saw the occupants of the office.

It seemed like almost the whole Order was there. Even Mundungus Fletcher was present, squished into a corner and looking vaguely annoyed. At the sound of the door opening, most of the people quieted and stared directly at Harry.

"Headmaster?" questioned Harry, tearing his eyes away from the crowd. "What... is this?"

The Headmaster looked up from his desk. "The blood wards at your relatives have fallen. Despite our quick response, they were killed last night." He looked quite remorseful at this relaying the information.

"Oh..." For a moment, Harry spared a thought for his aunt and uncle. As much as he hated them, he never wished for them to die. And Dudley was his cousin, as much of a bully as he was.

"You're here," continued Dumbledore, "because we're eliminating all possibility of a blood tie between you and any member of the Order. Most magicals in England have some sort of blood tie. Even if we have to go through your father, it would be better then not having any blood relation at all caring for you." He pushed his half moon glasses up his nose. "Your father did sacrifice himself that night also, and I believe I can recast wards if you live with one of his relatives."

"This is preposterous." Harry turned to his left, only to see Snape standing up. "I assume I don't need to be here. Even if we were related, I would never take the brat. I'm the spy here." He moved towards the door, black robe swishing in an intimidating manner.

"I wish for your opinion, old friend." Dumbledore waved his hand, and the door in front of Snape slammed shut.

"Hardly," sneered Snape, turning slowly to look at the Headmaster. "You have Minerva here for that. And I have sensitive potions brewing that demand my attention." He attempted to open the door, only to be met with resistance.

"Severus, this is ridiculous. This will hardly take more than a few minutes," pointed out Professor McGonagall. "Just wait. I'm sure your potions will be fine.

There was a few moments of silence, and then, with a glare, Snape moved back to his seat.

"Now that's settled," sighed Dumbledore, drawing everyone's attention, "we need to cast the spell. Harry, if you could..." He indicated a paper on his desk and a small knife.

Without hesitation, Harry walked up to the desk and pricked his finger with the knife, letting a drop of blood fall on the paper.

"_Sanguis lumine relatio_," murmured Dumbledore, waving his wand over the paper.

The results were immediate. Most people in the room started glowing red at a different intensity. The few that were left out were Muggleborns. The most shocking person glowing, though, was Snape. If everyone else in the room was a candle, he was a bonfire. The light he was throwing off was enough to throw shadows off of those near him.  
"What... What does this mean?" Harry asked, looking to Dumbledore.

"I can't say in the foggiest." Dumbledore stood. "Perhaps we should ask Severus."

"Allright!" snapped Snape. "Lily had an affair with me! The brat is mine!"

Shock filled the room.

"Good luck with the war." And with that, Snape pointed his wand at himself.

"_Avada Kedavra_."

**Sanguis lumine relatio means "Blood Relation Light," roughly. And I always found these stories to be a crack up, no matter how well they're written. Lily wouldn't ever cheat. :P**


End file.
